I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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