The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
