the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize