we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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