You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize