I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
