oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
