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Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
