You just made me feel so damn special
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
