id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
