she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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