Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
