You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
