He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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