I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
