I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
