I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
