No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
