awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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