Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
