Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
