Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
