Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
