apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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