I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
