I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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