Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
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