so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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