You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
