also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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