whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
