if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
