We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
