How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
