Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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