I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize