Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
