i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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