i don't like sucking hair
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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