I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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