3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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