i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
