my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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