Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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