Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
