apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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