I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize