I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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