Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
