Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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