Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So vagazzling was a success
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
