so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
