What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
