No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
