he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
