my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
