I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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