Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
