I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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