Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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