if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
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