dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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