Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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