Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
